** WARNING!! This involves self harm and could be a trigger for some readers.
PLEASE DO NOT READ IF THAT IS THE CASE. I love you with all my heart. ~ **
'Give me any reason to believe
'Cause I swear I'm done here
'Cause I've seen a bigger picture
And I'm looking for some answers'
I tapped at my desk and watched the teacher scribble some notes on the board, the chalk making an irritating scratching noise. I puffed my cheeks out, and rested my cheek against my hand. I looked around the room, watching my classmates.
Meghan was filing her nails, then blew on them.
My friend Kylie was bobbing her head, a ridiculous smile on her face.
Then there was Toni. He was biting his lip, and looking at his lap, twidding his fingers. I felt a smile creep onto my lips, and his emerald eyes flickered up and met mine. His cheeks flushed red, but he looked away, a small smile tugging at his lips. I smiled again, then looked up at the teacher again. He spoke, but I kind of Tooned it out.. All I could think about was Toni.
I've loved this boy ever since he first spoke to me. Though he doesn't say much; but he means alot. The first day he met me, he called me 'bello'. I asked what it meant, but he just smiled, and told me he'd tell me later.. yet later never really came. He was so confident when he came to (COUNTRY NAME).. But now.. I don't know what happened.
"(F/N) (L/N). You're first." I nodded, and stood up. We were doing some back to school work, so we could present anything. And I mean, ANYTHING.
"So I'm going to talk about the difference between the 11 doctors, from Doctor Who." I smiled, and Toni looked at me, cocking his head.
"Loser." Meghan spoke, and I smirked,
"At least I don't look like one of the Aliens from the show." Every one smirked, and Toni looked at me then at Meghan.
"Okay, as I was saying..."
After I went, It was Toni's turn.
"S-So.. I wanted to talk about where I am from." He looked at me, and instantly his cheeks went aflame. "I'm from here.." He pointed to a little country, "España." I felt my cheeks blush, and he started to smile. "But here, you call it Spain." He continued on talking about it, then he finished. As he went back to his desk, I grabbed his wrist, and he flinched, but bent down to hear me.
"You seem to be as confindent as the first day you got here." He smiled, his emerald eyes sparkling.
"T-thank you, chica." Then he went back to his desk, clutching the wrist I held. Did I hold on too tight? I brushed it off, but then Meghan went up.
"So, I'm doing my project on Losers." I raised a brow, and she smirked. "In this project, I decided to include our very own, Antonio Carriedo!" My eyes flickered over to Toni, and his jaw was clenched. "I have a secret I want to share with all of you.. Well I mean besides that he's in love with (F/N)." She smirked, and I felt my cheeks grow hot. All eyes were on me, but I looked over at Toni. He was blushing like mad, and figiting. I looked back to Meghan and she clapped her hands. "Well, the secret is.." She winked, "He cuts himself!" I felt something inside me collapse. She giggled, "I mean Toni, C'mon, Across the stream for attention, and down the river for results!" He stood up, his body trembling. "Use that for future reference." I then stood up, anger boiling inside me. Toni started to leave, his eyes directed to the floor. "Awwhh Where are you going Toni? I wasn't done!" She whined, and Toni grabbed the door knob, but looked back at me, an exposed tear ran down his cheek. I then started walking towards Meghan, and she smirked, "Oh (F/N) are you gonna join in o--" My hand then swept across her face, smacking her hard.
"You think that Self harm is funny?! What the fuck is wrong with you?! What if this was you? And don't tell me that you wouldn't care, because you would. You don't know how terrifying it feels coming to school every fucking day and being told you should kill yourself." She looked at me, "Meghan, you're just a cold-hearted bitch who deserves everything that comes to you. You're disgusting." I spat, and started walking towards the door, and went to find Toni.
I walked through out the halls, trying to find him. I could feel this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach, and I turned a corner. I heard this heart wrenching sobbing, and I walked forward.. And found him. He was huddled against the wall, his head in his hands. He was shaking so violently. I covered my mouth with my hand, and slowly made my way to him. I sat in front of him, and just watched. After maybe a minute, he removed his hands, his swollen green eyes looking at me.
"(F/N)..?" He whispered, and I smiled at him.
"Hi Toni." I spoke, and he looked at the floor. I leaned forward, and he looked at me, tears still falling. I raised my hand, and wiped the free tears away.
"Stop crying sweetheart." I whispered, and he sighed.
"I-I can't (F/N).. It hurts so much.." I linked fingers with him, and he lowered his head.
"Toni.. Can I see them?" He nodded, and raised his arm to me. I slowly took it, and brought his sleeve up, so it was between his elbow and shoulder. I looked at it, raised my free hand to my mouth. I was so shocked. He had long deep cuts horizontally along his wrist, and several small ones going vertically. I put my other hand on them, pressing down lightly. "Does it hurt?" He flinched,
"J-just a bit.." I traced them with my fingers,
"When was the last time you did it?" I asked, and he dropped his head.
"L-Last weekend." I nodded, and raised his arm higher. "W-What are you d-doing?" He asked, a firm blush appearing on his cheeks.
"Helping. Place your other arm on my lap." He hesitantly placed his other hand on my thigh, and I linked our fingers. Then I started to kiss his wrist. My lips trailed on all of his scars, and I felt my vision go blurry. I blinked, and a single tear rolled down the bridge of my nose, then fell onto his wrist.
"Why are you crying, mi amor?" He asked, and I looked up at him,
"Toni.. You don't know how much I love you." I whispered, my voice cracking. He looked at me, astonished,
"You do?" I nodded,
"It hurts me so much knowing that you do this.." I felt some tears run down my cheeks, and I felt a calloused hand cup my cheek.
"Please don't cry.." I looked up at him, and he bit his bottom lip.
I looked down at his wrist, and I kissed them again. He squeezed my hand, and I whispered;
"I'm sorry." Toni looked at me, and he swiped his thumb under my eye.
"Can I.." He blushed, "Can I kiss you, chica?" He asked, and I nodded, smiling.
He leaned forward, and slowly, captured his lips with mine. I was surprised he was so good at it.. I would have thought he wouldn't have had practice. His lips meshed so well with mine, his lips soft against my chapped ones. Then he slowly pulled away, his nose brushing mine. Then he leaned towards my ear, and whispered;
"Gracias mi dulce." He whispered, and he pressed a kiss under my ear.
"Te Amo, (F/N)."
"Papa! Papa!" Our daughter ran through the house, her small feet pattering against the floor. "Papa!~" She squealed, finding him on the couch, smiling at her.
"Ahh, Hola mi nino." He held his arms out, and she jumped, giggling uncontrollably. She landed on him, his arms exposed. She looked at his wrists, and cocked her head cutely.
"What are those, Papa?" She asked, and he just smiled.
"Those are scars, mi amor." She puffed her cheeks out,
"Why do you have them?" I bit my lip, and turned my head, looking at Toni.
"Because I was sad for a long time.. Until I met your Mama." He looked at me, a smile on his lips. He leaned down, and I could hear him whisper; "I wouldn't be here today without her." Our child pouted.
"But I love you papa! Mommy and I wouldn't be happy with out you! Even worse.. I wouldn't have my own tomato garden!" Antonio chuckled, and took her tiny hands in his.
"Mi nino, I'm going to tell you something right now, bueno?" She nodded, and he placed her hands on his wrists. "Now I want you to know that you never resort to this. One day you'll meet your love, and they'll help you with anything you're going through. You can talk to me or your mama, okay?" I turned completely to both of them, and she smiled, wrapping her arms around him.
"I love you papa." She chirped, and he smiled. I felt a tear roll down my cheek, and he extended his hand toward me.
"Come here, Mi amor." I walked towards him, and he caught the tear with his thumb. He linked our fingers, and I whispered,
"I love you so much Toni." He smiled brightly, his confidence shining through.
"And I love you both, with all my heart."
'I'm still breathing..'